


The hottie and the deadsy

by GreenPhoenix



Category: Deadpool (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 12:50:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15243750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/pseuds/GreenPhoenix
Summary: Pure crack, Wade never had it so bad.





	The hottie and the deadsy

He’s had the strangest, most surreal yet vivid dream ever. Last night he was drugged and kidnapped by some ninjas claiming to be sent by the Hilton woman. He’s willing to bet Wolverine never had such dreams. The blonde menace then fed him a strange liquid and he felt compelled to sex her up. Huh? He realizes he can barely move. A shrill female voice is talking.   
“Deadsy darling” she says. Too real to be a dream. Clearly he’s gone mad for real this time. He opens his eyes. He sees himself chained to a wall. In front of him is, no it can’t be; but is it, the Barbie woman heiress dressed in something expensive yet tacky.   
“Oh darling,” she coos in a childish fashion. “You were just great. And now I have another addition to my mutant sex tape. It’s just waiting to hit the Internet. It’ll boost my fame and maybe yours too.” He’s for once speechless.   
“You weren’t as acrobatic as the blue furry guy, nor as feral as the short hairy Canadian, but cool anyway. I’m so glad I made this deal with Amora. I’ll need to thank her for the love potion. All she wanted was a reality show of her own from Asgard. Oh I’m bored. Want to watch “The Hottie and the nottie?”  
“Who’s the hottie?” he manages, shaking with dread. “Bea Arthur? Siryn? Me in a Marvel Girl outfit?”   
“Me of course” she sighs. “Oh you are so funny” She leans in for a kiss. He gives her a big sloppy one.   
“Ah I see the love potion is still working, she purrs.   
“Oh crap” he murmurs and kisses her collagen-enhanced lips again.   
“Mm..who’s a bad boy?” she breathes and though he feels nauseas he slaps her behind playfully.   
Lights, camera, action Deadsy” says the heiress and instructs the cameraman to get started again. “Your stamina is impressive” He retches but gets ready to plow her fields again. Showbiz really is murder.

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly dated crack, but hey..


End file.
